Dating Relationship Advice: A Tricky Business

Dating relationship advice is sometimes akin to carrying along a bad message.  That old saying about killing the messenger is applicable all too often when it comes to doling out advice to a friend about his or her current squeeze.  Too much advice can make a person seem jaded and anti relationship whereas not enough and a body seems vague. 

People seek guidance at different times in their lives.  They want outside perspective on a problem.  When a marriage is in crisis the husband and wife will often turn to a marriage counselor.  If a dating relationship is in doubt most people turn to their friends.  But the dangers that await there.

Friends want to be honest with each other.  They want to be able to confide and in turn receive advice but what does a person do when a friend is asking for dating relationship advice and the advice would be anything but pleasant?  Is this time for honesty or is it one where it might be better off to be tactful and evasive?

Therapists and relationship experts agree that a mixture of those three is best.  A direct question from the confused friend should not be greeted with evasion.  He or she will immediately begin to worry and the problem can grow exponentially.  If the particular question is an uncomfortable one, then turn it around on the friend.  Ask him or her if what they "feel" is right and tells them that they might need to think on it for a while.

Another tactic for handling a friend in romantic crisis is to carefully explain that they themselves are not going through that particular situation and would not have the same perspective as he or she.  For as open and honest as two friends can be, there are still things left out when one of them is in a relationship. 

When all else fails and the friend needs a definitive answer to a problem they are having, tell them the truth.  Chances are they will still want the advice anyway, even after the warning, but at least the opportunity for protest was given.  Be careful on how the advice is worded.  Make it very clear that the advice is really opinion only and that all of the facts are not available.

There is an exception on when to definitely give concrete dating relationship advice.  If the friend is in an abusive relationship then it is imperative to get them help.  Sometimes the battered person cannot gain enough perspective to know how bad the situation is and will often be in denial.  The key is to be persistent and let them know that no one deserves to be abused and that the dating relationship advice offered is a way to get out.