Get What You Need (and Deserve) From Your Relationship

If you can get your relationships needs met, the relationship has a much better chance of lasting. We all have needs. if they aren't being met in a relationship, the unfortunate inclination is to look elsewhere.

A good start to getting your needs met in a relationship is to make sure the other person knows just what those needs are. You can’t read minds, and you shouldn’t expert your partner to be able to read minds either. It's very likely that your partner wants to please you (as you want to please them). Frankly discussing your needs helps you both.

At the same time, encourage your partner to tell you the needs he or she feels are important. Most couple are relieved once they have this conversation and feel closer than ever. Very rarely, a couple may discover that their needs are completely incompatible. Of course this is upsetting, but the sooner a couple finds out they have incompatible differences the better.

You might feel the need for you partner to tell you he loves you often, so you assume that's what he wants as well. It's fine to do that but it may not be a real need that he has. He may prefer you to show your love by considerate little acts. Some people like to be told, and other people like to be shown.

Communication is key to making any long term relationship work. Discussing your needs is a good place to start. Knowing what you each are looking for makes it easier to succeed as a couple. If such a conversation is beyond your normal comfort zone, don't let your discomfort stop you. Honest discussion is always a good idea and one of the best ways to strengthen a relationship. Plus, it'll make it more likely you'll each get what you need.

When people don't get what they want they frequently resort to passive-aggressive behavior thinking it's better than open conflict. Unfortunately, this almost always makes the situation worse. If he does take your hint, it’s only after you’ve acted put upon, angry and resentful. So his doing the dishes might be only to keep you from acting that way.

If you ask for something you need, stating clearly that getting it makes you feel supported, accepted and loved, you're more likely to get it than if you sulk and act sullen.    

Even though we can reasonably look to our partner for love and support, we also need to remember that ultimately happiness is an inside job. This is yet another reason why it important to develop the ability to communicate honestly with each other.

All relationships have rough spots from time to time. You can get through the hard times more easily if you take advantage of other people's experience.

Your friends may or may not be relationship experts but it will hard for them to be objective because of they're close to you.

Fortunately, the web makes it easy to get reliable advice.

One site I like a lot is The Relationship Fix.

That site covers many aspects of relationships, but has some especially good information to help get you through tough times (after all, most of us can handle the good times without any help.

For example, you can find advice on How to Fix a Long Term Relationship.  Another page (Second Chance Romance Review) reviews a program that teaches ways to get a relationship back on track.

Just remember that all relationships grow and evolve. Some growing pains are to be expected. The reward of making it work is worth the commitment.