I have witnessed, both within my own family, in the outside world and in my practice, what can happen in a relationship if there is no common bond that can actually bind a couple together.

Well, let me digress (or maybe, progress) and say a bit about getting together as a couple in the first place: even if there is a strong attraction, be it physical, mental or emotional: Love; That does not seem to be enough to keep a couple together; the body will wither, the mind will change and the emotions will flutter. And love may turn into a dependency or habit. Unless, there is a third entity; the glue that binds the one to the other; the bond that binds, a mutual goal and lifetime commitment to it. A common commitment to a external force or ideal, that is greater than both of you, that is stable and enduring, will see you through the tough times that will inevitably come …

In my opinion, there are two good bonds; children and Religion or a Spiritual Practice (to be more politically correct, or any other proven external disciplinary way of life that both parties agreed to commit to whole-heartedly, abide by, follow and emulate; the goal). With both of these present, the chances are multiplies exponentially. But, even with both of these, there are no garantees.

Without these, there is no common bond; it's just two people living separate lives together: convenient for a nice meal, some ambience, safe sex, and the occasional meaningful conversation …

So, the intent or lifetime goal of both parties must be the same. Otherwise, both sides will be resentful, because, in any situation, for any important decision, no compromise can satisfy both of the parties, because their primary motivating goals are different; or they have no primary motivating goals and “just don’t feel like it” at the time. And so there is no improvement in the situation and resentments, anger, etc. build; and there is no possibility for a long-term relationship.

Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards negativity, insecurity and fear/anxiety. But this is who the person is at the moment; and they are perfect the way they are.

Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards not wanting to be so depended upon by the other, for their happiness, security and emotional wellbeing. But this is who that person is at the moment; and perfect the way they are.

Much of this may stem from residual family entanglements. Some behaviors may come from family control issues. Some behaviors may come from family insecurity issues.

There are a few key issues that need to be kept in mind: Trust! Honesty! One must trust the other, as the right hand trusts the left. And one must be honest and trustworthy, inside the relationship and in the world at large as well; trusting yourself, being honest with yourself and trusting your partner and being honest with your partner, and being trustworthy and honest in all your dealings in the world. In other words, your thoughts, speech and actions should always be in line with a clear conscience.

There are times when you will feel rejected or abandoned, based on your perception of the situation. There is usually no reason to feel this way; from the other’s standpoint, it's not about you, it may be about their family control issues.

At times you may feel that you would appear weak if you give in to the desires of the other. There is no reason to feel weak by giving in: remember the bond that binds; you can show your compassion and accommodation of what may be the other’s family insecurity issues.

Besides the above mentioned, or perhaps, because of the above mentioned, there may be a lack of real compassion and empathy on the part of both parties for each other. To see the world from the other persons heart and to trust the other person, that they are doing the best they can. To see them as perfect, the way they are. (That's not to say that there is no room for improvement.) To realize the person is always more important than any ideology or material object or goal; the relationship comes first.

Perhaps ask; what's the worst thing that can happen if the worst thing happens. Most of the time, when the dust settles, nothing too spectacular. Again, the third entity, the bond that binds, the trust in that everything that happens is only good.

There is a need for genuine compassion and complete acceptance of the other as perfect as they are; acknowledgement and acceptance of each others needs and idiosyncrasies and the commitment and willingness to live with them as they are, for as long as they are that way. Which, if you ask me, and as has been proven millions of times in the present and throughout history, cannot be accomplished without the "third party", the bond that binds one love to the other.

The other person; their feelings, hopes, dreams, goals must be your own as well: you are one; heads and tails of the same coin. One person, soul, living life in two bodies.

It says, “All beginnings are difficult”. And while this may be so, you can ensure that the trip will be worthwhile and pleasant for you and for all of those who love you, by heading in the right direction, with the right foot, for the right reasons, towards the right goal …

Abraham Bruck is the developer of the Universal Healing Technique and the UHT Lifetime Trauma Resolution Protocol.

 

Cure For a Broken Heart

Many people will tell you that being in love is a wonderful thing. When a person is in love they feel like they are young, alive, happy, and energetic, and so much more. Although love is said to bring all this happiness, when a relationship comes to an end or you lose a loved one, there is hurt. This pain you feel, people call it a broken heart.

We call it a broken heart, because when people think about love they think about hearts. Well, lucky for us there are cures for the broken hearts we feel. Time, counseling, and finding a new love are the three cures to a broken heart.

How Would Time Help Us?

The best healer of this broken heart could possibly be time. Any relationship is something real; it involves the heart and emotions. These feelings cannot be turned on and off like you want them to be, they involve the heart. You have to have patience and time with these feelings. A broken heart cannot be cured in days or in minutes. Your broken heart could take months or years to finally be cured.

But They Know Nothing about My Marriage

Now, to really cure a broken heart, you should use this method. It's been proven to work. In counseling, the couselor is a professional you can talk to about your emotional pain for your relationship that has ended. These professionals encourage you to let your feelings out, rather than hold them in.

When your in counseling and you have a good counselor, they know how to use their experience and education to help you work through your problems. Their sessions should allow you to share your feelings in an open environment without feeling judged or ridiculed. To really heal, you have to feel comfortable talking to someone about your broken heart.

Let’s Fall In Love

If you get back in the social circle, it's another great way to cure your broken heart. When your coping with losing a relationship, getting back into the social circle can be difficult, but can help you a lot. Don’t go looking for someone to fall in love with, or to fill your empty emotional space, just be looking for friends, and don’t be shy when going out.

Jennifer Clark has recently published a relationship repair website as a resource for couples struggling with different aspects of dating, marriage, sex, or divorce. Find the resource for Cure For a Broken Heart here, and please visit us at http://www.RelationshipsImproved.com for additional resources to help improve your relationships and to get our 6 part mini course on the Top Secrets of Successful Relationships.

Nothing good comes of jealousy. It serves no useful purpose and can destroy the relationship it contaminates. If for some reason you lean in that direction you need to learn how to overcome jealousy before it's too late.

I've been looking into this problem quite a bit and I found good advice on web-pages like How to Overcome Jealousy. Here's some of what I've learned.

To begin, why do you think your jealous? What are your excuses? This will require honest self-examination.

Remember that you do have a choice. Being jealous is like other ways of being in the world - It's under our control. Some people may try to explain their jealousy by blaming external circumstances, but that's but that's not accurate. You are in control. An adult accepts responsibility for the choices they've made.

People choose jealousy for many reasons. A common one is insecurity.

Some people say that because they've been cheated on in the past means they have to be jealous now. But being jealous and accusatory and monitoring your partners every move will drive them away rather than bring them closer.

Some people use jealous demands as a way to control their partner. It's a power trip. it's not hard to imagine how this could easily threaten the relationship.

It is possible to make different choices. Just because we've behaved one way in the past doesn't mean we need to continue to do so. Approaching a partner with love and respect is much more likely to get a positive result.

Would you rather have someone who wanted to come home rather than someone who came home because of some sense of obligation? Someone who responds to their partner’s jealous demands eventually comes to resent. I think you can see how this creates the opposite of what jealous person desires.

Since intimate relationships are very complex and emotionally charged, it's not surprising we have difficulty with them. Part of the problem is that none of us are taught specifically how to deal with relationships as we grow up. Were left to our own devices and it shows.

As I discovered when I was researching jealousy, you do have a lot of relationship information available these days.

A good overall site I found was The Relationship Fix.

If you're in a long-term relationship (or for that matter, even if you just think you'ld like to be in one someday) I highly recommend you check out the Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course Review.

Based on that review, I got the course. Although it was originally developed for married couples, it applies equally well to any long-term, committed relationship. Anyone who goes through this program will have much better relationships than 90% of the population.

 

One of the most difficult things to have happen in life is to go through a break up.Now being in a relationship that is now over but used to be so wonderful is very difficult.It can be something excruciating.  It can cause a person to have a hard time functioning if the relationship was serious enough.

So what can somebody do in the event of a breakup.  Well the first thing they can do is try to figure out how to get ex back.If the relationship was a serious one at one time, this might be a choice that is very good.But if you want to learn how to get your ex back, you are goin to have to know why you lost them in the first place.

If you understand what caused the relationship to break up, it will help in figuring out what went wrong.  Now knowing that alone will not solve the problem.But it is something that gives you a start to work with.  For example if you are male and maybe the problem was not knowing how to listen.  By learning how to listen this could help them in learning how to get ex girlfriend back.

Or if you are the female in a relationship.  If the break up was your fault.  Knowing what caused it will help you rectify the solution.  For example if it was being too pushy it would help you fix that behavior.  Learning this will greatly help in learning how to get ex boyfriend back.

Now of course this is just the beginning.There will be a lot of other problems that may have caused the relationship to break up.Figuring out how to work out all those factors is going to be important.  But the key is learning what to do in a break up. 

Of course both parties have to want to get back together.But that is the important part. If you learn to do what is right, you will be able to have this want to appear.But you must find a way to learn what you need to do.There is a lot of resources you can turn to like books or counselors that you will be able to learn from.But you must find a way to learn.